“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.”

― Maya Angelou

There is a lot of power in knowing ourselves better than anyone else does, the good parts and the not so good parts. Although it can be a challenge for people to look at themselves in the mirror, seeing yourself and all your flaws will eventually become your biggest strength. Some people believe that avoiding the reality of a situation, and living in self deception is easier than doing the work and digging for true and deep rooted happiness. Do you think this is true?

Looking within yourself may reveal things that you have not wanted to admit. However it is only by accepting the truth about the role you may have played in creating your current situation, that you will be able to grow and move forward. Not seeking to forgive ourselves robs us of the joy we could experience and causes more harm than good.

Let’s consider how we feel when we have done something that has played out as we intended. The feelings we experience are happy, proud, elated or empowered. However, it is when the outcome of an action causes harm to ourselves or someone else, that the feeling of guilt is born and thus the need for self forgiveness. That is of course if your intentions were not to cause hurt. If a person starts out with bad intentions then it is unlikely that they will have done anything to feel guilty of, it would be mission accomplished.

Being a good person is only based on what the person making the judgment believes is good or bad. In this case, the only opinion that matters is our own. We judge ourselves so harshly at times and that is when the feeling of guilt and shame overtakes our perception of any given situation.

Oprah Winfrey

Forgiving yourself is not just putting the past behind you and shutting the door, but about accepting what has happened and finding compassion for yourself in order to set yourself free. One thing we are unable to change is our past and we often imprison ourselves because of the mistakes we have made.

When looking into the past, there are going to be things we are not proud of but they have made us into who we are today. Some people are not happy with who they are today, but there is still time to work on developing a better relationship with yourself. Just because you have been through what you have been through, doesn’t make it okay to abandon yourself. You are the one person who has been and will always be with you. Why not work on making that an enjoyable experience?

You cannot give to someone else what you cannot give to yourself. Facing the reality of what your experience is the first step to self forgiveness. Accepting the fact that you may have hurt someone or yourself, let yourself down, acted from negativity which caused your feelings of regret, shame and guilt are all workable. But only once you begin the journey to forgiving yourself, then you can work on forgiving other people.

5 TIPS FOR SELF FORGIVENESS: 

1. Take the time to reflect on and accept the role you may have played
2. Separate the action from who you are as a person
3. Look for the lesson in the experience
4. Decide who you wanted to show up as instead 
5. Repair the damage you may have caused  – starts with an apology

I have a passion to see you grow and succeed, to see you be your authentic self. Forgiving yourself is one of the first steps in the pursuit of happiness. What are you blaming yourself for that was, or is now out of your control? What do you want to work on forgiving your younger self for?