The importance of building a relationship with yourself

The importance of developing a healthy relationship with yourself

As a counsellor, I often get questions from people who have struggled with developing or maintaining their intimate relationships. One of the key things that I often find myself talking about is the importance of developing a relationship with themselves first before entering a new intimate relationship.

Working on the relationship with yourself involves becoming more self-aware and getting to know yourself on a deeper level, deeper than anyone else does.

This looks like taking the time to reflect on your values, strengths, weaknesses, aspirations and triggers. It also means taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. When you have a healthy relationship with yourself, you become better equipped to handle the ups and downs of other relationships in your life. You give yourself the opportunity to establish a sense of independence and self-sufficiency.

A tough lesson that many people struggle to learn is that your happiness is your responsibility.

Many people enter relationships seeking for the other person to solve their problems and ‘make them happy’, but this is just not possible. When you have a healthy relationship with yourself, you are less likely to rely on your partner for happiness, your well-being or for them to validate you as a person who is deserving of love and respect. It is healthy to have your own interests, passions and goals outside of your relationships, which can also make you more authentically attractive to potential partners.

Developing a good relationship with yourself allows you to understand your own needs and boundaries.

When a person lacks self-awareness, they may not know what they want or need, or they may struggle to communicate those needs and boundaries to their partner. This can in turn lead to unnecessary misunderstandings and conflicts that could cause the relationship to break down. By taking the time to develop a relationship with yourself, you can become clear on what you want and want from a relationship, and then use that knowledge as the foundation to communicate those needs efficiently.

Having a healthy relationship with yourself is also important in knowing your worth and not settlings for less than you deserve.

The risk of not having a healthy relationship with yourself is that you may go into a relationship feeling unworthy or undeserving of a nourishing and fulfilling relationship with another person. A person in this position may settle for a partner who is not a good match for them, or they may tolerate behaviours that are harmful in some way. When you have a healthy relationship with yourself, you are more likely to set high standards for yourself and less likely to tolerate behaviours that do not align your values.

Developing a relationship with yourself is essential in having healthy and fulfilling intimate relationships, as a matter of fact it is important in all relationships. It allows you to establish a sense of confidence and independence, understand your own needs and boundaries, and prevent you from settling for less than what they deserve. I encourage you to take the time to focus on building a better relationship with yourself before seeking out a new intimate relationship. By doing so, you are more likely to find a partner who is a good match for you and who will respect and appreciate you for who you are authentically.

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